:D

:lol:

Single and Married Women Joke
Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?

A: Single women come home, see what is in the fridge, and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what’s in bed, and go to the fridge.

Differences Between Good Girls and Bad Girls
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot.
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls wax their floors.
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls blush during sex scenes in a movie.
Bad girls know they could do it better.

Good girls wear white cotton panties.
Bad girls don’t wear any.

Good girls think they’re not fully dressed without a strand of pearls.
Bad girls think they’re fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it.
Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls pack their toothbrush.
Bad girls pack their diaphragms.

Good girls wear high heels to work.
Bad girls wear high heels to bed.

Good girls prefer the missionary position.
Bad girls do too, but only for starters.

Good girls say, “No”.
Bad girls say, “When?”

Two women go out one Friday night without their husbands.

As they head back home, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee.

They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway.

The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so she took off her panties and used them to clean herself and discarded them.

The second, not finding anything either, thought, "I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath to clean herself.

The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other:

"We have to be on the look-out, it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties."

The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read: "We will never forget you".

There was this punk who got on a bus. He sat next to an old man who
started staring at him, because he was dressed in really colorful
clothing.

He had all this colorful make-up on, and his hair was spiked up with
red,green,& yellow with feathers.

The punk was getting sick of being stared at so he said to the old man, "Hey, old man, what are you lookin'at,eh? Didn't you do
anything strange when you were a teenager?"

"Well, yeah," the old man answered. "Once I got so drunk that I screwed a parrot, so I can't help but think that maybe you're my son.

1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT 2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output 3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses 4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions 5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems 6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping 7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds 8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines 9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly 10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors 11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings 12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible 13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort 14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers 15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go 16. DELL : Deplorable Equipment & lackluster 17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd. 18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms Identifications

A waiter asks a man, “May I take your order, sir?”

“Yes,” the man replies. “I’m just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?”

“Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”

Q. WHAT IS THE HEIGHT OF COINCIDENCE?

A. MY FATHER AND MOTHER MARRRIED ON THE SAME DAY!!

STRESS, TENSION & PANIC

What's the difference between stress, tension & panic?

STRESS is when wife is pregnant.

TENSION is when girlfriend is pregnant.

PANIC is when both are pregnant.

A judge was interviewing a lady regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents." He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is 'yes'."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied.

"I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."

IT Woman

Which Type Of Woman Is Yours?

HARD-DISK Woman:

She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Woman:

She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Woman:

Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

EXCEL Woman:

They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use for your four basic needs.

SCREENSAVER Woman:

She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Woman:

Difficult to access.

SERVER Woman:

Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Woman:

She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Woman:

She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Woman:

Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Woman:

Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your esources. If you try to uninstall her you will

lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything............